American Pie


  • 10 litres of gravy
  • pastry
  • 1 small American (if you can only find a large American, remove arms)
  • 1 tablespoon of salt
  • Pepper to taste


  1. Trim the head, fingernails and toenails from the American, then skin it. If you don't want to go to the effort of skinning the American, you must at least shave it.
  2. Put your American through a meat mincer, and mix with gravy, salt and pepper in a large mixing bowl.
  3. Take 4 metal buckets, and line them with pastry. Try to make pastry consistently 3 cm thick around the bucket.
  4. Divide up the American mince evenly amongst the four buckets, and top with pastry.
  5. Place buckets in a kiln and cook for 8 hours.

Serves 80, or 4 Al Qaeda / Jamah Islamiah operatives.


  • You can place the leftover head on a pike outside your front door to scare off other Americans.
  • As a novelty, you can paint the pastry red, white and blue with food colouring.

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